Lock down- A unique time to build your resilience toolkit
COVID-19 has certainly thrown the cat amongst the pigeons and thrown our paradigms of life upside down. It is no wonder we have a heightened level of stress and anxiety about our current well- being and our future. The pandemic is impacting our most basic and psychological needs according to Maslow’s Hierarchy. The need to be safe and secure, whilst then also negatively impacting our psychological ability to feel belonging and love due to our social distancing.
Does this mean COVID-19 is all doom and gloom?
Or could COVID-19 offer a silver lining in which you can enhance your personal resilience?
As we all know, resiliency is no longer just about “being our ability to bounce back from adversity”. Our need to BE MORE, DO MORE and HAVE MORE is placing greater pressure on our minds and our bodies and this is diminishing our ability to bounce back both mentally and physically, even before adversity knocks on our door. This means the meaning and need for resilience have evolved.
Resilience today is the ability to navigate life, adapt to change and learn through adversity,
so we can maintain our momentum in achieving continued results and performance.
Resilience requires an evolving state of being and this takes personal understanding & awareness!
The key part of the new definition above is having our own personal understanding and awareness so that we can enhance and nurture our state of well-being which in turn improves our resilience.
Just like any professional athlete or racing car driver, we need to have as much information and awareness about ourselves and our “vehicles/ bodies” as possible (our strengths, weaknesses, limitations, our success strategies) so that we can perform optimally and effectively. This will help you to navigate, adapt and learn to achieve and succeed on any track or any environment that comes your way.
Self-awareness and understanding will not only ensure that you are living to your true potential but it will also help to ensure that you are being able to thrive in your “Natural State”, rather than just survive in your “Reactive State”.
Our Natural state is our most resourceful and most resilient state. It is our “Rest and Digest” state of homeostasis where we feel safe, energised, open to connect to others, open to try new ideas or to take on new learnings. In this state we feel balanced and are more capable of coping with or overcoming uncertainty, changes, or adversity. Being able to be in your Natural state is key to building and maintaining your resilience.
Sadly, at the moment, many of us live in some form of our Reactive (fight, flight or freeze) state due to the general stress and anxiety we experience every day. The pandemic has only increased our stress and anxiety further. When we are in our Reactive State our focus is placed on protecting ourselves and our blood rushes to the key organs that help us to get away. This unfortunately means we experience less blood flow to our Pre-Frontal Cortex, which means we lose some of executive functioning and find it harder to think logically or problem-solve. Our Defensive state also causes us to withdraw from general activities and we are more inclined to feel drained or exhausted. All of this means that we are far less capable of creating new ideas, behaviours or beliefs which are required to help us through difficult situations. That is, until we feel safe and we return to our Natural state where we begin to relax and start to think openly, creatively, and clearly again.
Now this process of moving in between our Rest/ Digest state and our Fight /Flight state is completely natural and part of our survival instincts. However, in today’s fast paced world where we place so much more meaning on the likes of popularity, wealth and achievement, our bodies experience far more “perceived threats”. This means we end up subconsciously activating our fight/ flight response far more regularly than we really need to. We also spend far less time in our Natural (Wellbeing and Resourceful) state and this weakens our resilience.
Our situation right now offers us a unique opportunity.
Your time in Lock down can help you to master how you self-regulate back to your Natural State
As we all know, our usual daily routines and ways of interacting with family, friends and colleagues has all changed dramatically over the last 3 months. We have had to learn to communicate virtually and are defining new boundaries around working from home and around our families. We have also had to find new ways to find our “me time” which may have formerly been our commute to work, exercising at the gym or having a cup of coffee at the local café near work. These moments are so important and are key tools which help you self-regulate.
The good news is that you are already on track and will have enhanced or learnt new strategies.
Your lock down experience means that you have not only just thrown old routines up in the air, but over the last 3 months you will have learnt a lot about yourself and discovered what works for you and what does not. By now you will have already started settling into your “new” routines.
The key is to start making note of what these are.
How are you checking in with how you feel now?
What actions, thoughts or behaviours are you doing now to make you feel better?
What are your “positive secret weapons” to self-soothe or self-regulate yourself now?
What part of the routine makes you feel happier, more connected and safer?
What new habits, beliefs, or activities have you already discovered that you would like to take forward with you?
Each of these insights will play a vital role in your resilience going forward!
When you become aware of how situations, actions or behaviours make you FEEL, then you can self-regulate or re-align yourself to your Natural State.
Dr Rick Hanson from the Resilience Summit 2020 that I attended (Online 😊) this month, said:
3 key questions to ask yourself to assess whether you are in your NATURAL (RESOURCEFUL) STATE and to help minimise the stress effect are: (2)
a) Do I feel safe enough?
b) Do I feel satisfied enough?
c) Do I feel connected enough?
Now is the time to rather look inwardly and focus on what you are learning.
Focus on building up your resilience tools kit by remembering what strategies you are using for success, because as you start moving back into the “old world” you have a unique opportunity to set new rules, new boundaries and new habits which will help you to feel balanced and in control and this will improve your resilience now and in the future.
My top tips for embracing the moment and absorbing the insights we are being offered are as followed.
1) Be observant of your behaviour. Listen to what makes you feel safe, satisfied and connected. This is the most important step as you are living and breathing through adversity right now, so this offers a unique opportunity to remember or learn your key self-regulation strategies which reconnect with your natural and resourceful state. You can also observe then test and learn what others success strategies are and see if they work for you.
2) Breathe- Deep, relaxing breathing is one of the most powerful ways to let your brain know that you are safe. Breathe in for 5 and out for 7 counts. Feel your body relax and soothe.
3) Write. Journal your thoughts without judgement and allow yourself to feel your emotions. If you want to cry- cry. If you want to scream- scream into a pillow. Research shows that journaling not only allows us to access and therefore release subconscious emotions which is key when you would like to move back into our Natural state.
4) Connect with your positive people daily. I will always remember a lecture I sat in where the lecturer asked us “who are the top 5 people you spend your time with?”. They are the most important in our lives because they will have the most profound influence on your outlook, beliefs and habits. So, have a think about who are you connecting with. Are they making you feel better or more capable of thriving in life and adversity or are they focusing on the negatives? It only takes a phone call, a good conversation or an inspirational book to connect with positive people. Consider connecting with people that do lift you up and help you to believe in yourself and the world around you.
5) Spend time in Nature. There are now 100’s of research projects that show the value of connecting with nature. (https://www.forestbathingcentral.com/forest-bathing-studies/) Nature re-balances us and helps us find our resourceful state, by offering oxygen, a view on life unfolding organically rather than a mad rush, and most importantly Nature offers us a non-judgemental environment. Nature naturally clears away the negative energies that we accumulate from technology and helps us to connect with the photosynthetic plants that offer us life. Spend time and allow yourself to be soothed by all the beauty that Nature can offer you.
There has never been a better opportunity for you to build, enhance and discover your unique resilience tools.
If you are finding it hard to find your balance or find your Natural state of Rest and Digest, then give me a call. I will be running some online workshops to overcoming stress and anxiety, and I am also happy to have a free 30 min chat with you where we can discuss how to help you through this unique an unprecedented time.
Enjoy this unique and magical time to learn about yourself and how you can build your resilience toolkit. Be kind, be curious and learn to tap into your authentic potential.
Big hugs,
Nicky xx